Alagaesian Academy Awards
by Mrs. Morzansson
Summary: And the nominees for Best Story Written When the Authour was High ARE:... Language and comic violence. T to be safe.


**A/N**: Warning! Possible OOC! Okay, not possible, DEFINATE!! (Even I'M ooc) Oh, btw, I DON'T have a cussing problem. This is NOTHING like the real me. I'm SO much nicer than I am in here. )

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Eragon (or Murtagh, unfortunately)

* * *

Announcer with weird voice: And now, welcome to the 1st Annual Alagaesian Academy Awards!

(thunderous applause since all the people Alagaesia are sitting in the audience)

Announcer: And now, please welcome your hosts Tammmmmmmmy "T" and Caaaaaaaameeeeeeeliaaaaaa "Carmel"!!

(louder applause as me and my cohost enter the center stage. Theresa had a red cocktail dress on and I have a black sleeveless one that drapes past my ankles)

Me: (smiling fakely) welcome to the 1st Annual Alagaesian Awards! (turns to T but still smiling at audience) What are some of the awards this year, T?

Theresa: (smiles fakely thinking, _At least we're getting paid_) Why, we have many awards for all heroes-

Audience: YAY!!

T: -and baddies-

Audience: Booooo!

T: -of the Inheritance Cycle!

Audience: (claps)

T: So, do you think we should give them the first category, Carmel?

Me: Naw, let's make 'em wait!

Audience: NO!!

Me: (cackles maniacally) Okay! Our first category is:

(huge television behind me turns on to show the faces of the nominees while I call their names)

Me: MOST LIKELY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS!

T: And the nominees are:

Murtagh Morzansson for his displays of acrobatics at the Battle of the Burning Plains!

Murtagh: (strange look on his face) I did acrobatics?

Me: (continues smiling at audience) Of course you did! Stop being a dumbass!

Murtagh: …

T: LANGUAGE!!

Me: _Sorry_…

Audience: (fake laughs)

T: Eragon Shadeslayer for well…being Eragon.

Eragon: WOOT! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THEY AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE! (gets out of his chair and turns towards rest of audience) Everybody say HEY!

Audience: Hey!

Eragon: Hey!

Audience: Hey!

Eragon: Hey!

Audience: Hey!

Eragon: Hey!

Audience: Hey!

This continues for ten minutes until finally-

Me: SHUT THE H-E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS UP!!

T: LAUNGUAGE, CAMELIA!!

Me: well you know what, T? THIS BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP KID IS BUGGING THE BEEP OUTTA ME AND-

**(sound of dialing in background as screen goes blank)**

**-Please Stand By-**

Me: (smiling) Sorry! I had a little…mental breakdown…

T: (worried about Eragon's reaction at my "breakdown.") No kidding…and the last nominees are Galbatorix for belly dancing at Murtagh's twelfth birthday party,

Murtagh: (shudder) I'll…never…forget…about…that…disturbing…day…images…**IMAGES**!(mentally scarred)

T: And finally, Brom, for pretending to die!

Brom: What does that have to do with joining the circus?!

T: (smiling like a plastic Barbie Doll) Nothing!

Me: (pulls out envelope) And the winner is…drum roll please!

Musicians: (drum roll)

Me: Galbatorix for belly dancing!

Galbatorix: yAy!!

Galbatorix prances onto stage as I give him his spiffy trophy.

Galby: (sniffs) I wanna thank all of you who voted for me, and, I just wanna say, I LOVE YOU, ISLANZADI!! Will you marry me?

Islanzadi: (grins) Sure!! (gets out of chair) I'm wearing my wedding dress already**! VEGAS HERE WE COME, BABY**!! (jumps into Galbatorix's arms as they skip to Las Vegas)

Audience: ……

T: …….

Me: ……

T: ……Well……erm……yeah……

Me: ……yeah……

T: …………….

Me: Okay! Let's go to our next category!

Audience: WOOH!

Me: MOST LIKELY TO CUT THEIR WRISTS BY 1402!!

Murtagh: (smirks and already knows who the winner is)

Audience: (Thunderous applause)

Me: Murtagh Morzansson for being an emo!! Galbatorix for being mentally instable!! Arya for having for being an Eragon hata!! And lastly, Nasuada for excessive work load!!

T: (pulls our envelope) And the winner is…**ARYA**!!

Murtagh is absolutely outraged. He jumps out of his chair and starts shouting words at me that should be censored.

Murtagh: **WE'RE THROUGH, CAMELIA!! I WANT MY CAPE BACK!! AND MY COLOGNE!!**

Me: Awwww, but it smells so good!

**BEEEEEEEEP**

**-Please Stand By-**

Murtagh: (walks on stage and puts his arm around my shoulder)

Me: (smiles to audience in a very plastic way)

Murtagh: It's okay, everyone. I do understand I have issues, and I am going to attend one of Dr. Phil's Anger Management Sessions along with my beautiful ex-girlfriend over here.

Me: (mentally roles eyes) Awwww, Murtie, your making me blush!!

I lean over to hug him, but smack him as he tries to steal from my wallet.

Me: Murtagh!! Why, I oughta-

**BEEEEP**

**-Please Stand By-**

T: ……Wow…….

Me: (head pounds) I think I'm gonna lie down.

T: Stay away from Murtagh.

Me: (fumes) **MURTAGH!!**

**(dialing noise)**

**-Please Stand By-**

T: Okay, Carmel is taking a…nap…at the…mental…institution…so, I'm gonna continue the awards! yAy!! (Barbie smile) Now, Arya, will you take your award?

Arya: (gets up and excepts the award) You know, I've never been prouder to be a hata!

All the men in the audience:** WOOT!!** Yeah Arya!!

Arya: Awe, thanks, boys! (Smiles and flaunts it until she walks off stage)

Men: **WOOOOOOOOH!!**

T: (disturbed) Saphira! Silence the men!

Saphira: Will do!

All of a sudden, flames shoot out of the ceiling as all the men cower in fear.

T: Thanks, Saphira!

Saphira: Don't mention it!

T: Okay! Now, for the third category we have…MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A PIMP! Our nominees are…

Murtagh Morzansson for being a playa!

Murtagh: (back in his seat smiling innocently) I could never be a pimp!

T: (sarcastically) Yes, because you are _so_ kind to people.

Murtagh: (smiles devilishly)

T: ERAGON SHADESLAYER!!

Eragon: YEAH!! LET ME HEAR YOU SAY HEY!

Audience: HEY!

Eragon He-

T: Yeah, let's not start that again, shall we?

Eragon: (Buries head in shame and begins sobbing) I-I-I-m s-s-s-so s-s-sorry!! WAAAAAH!!

Everyone scoots away from him.

Eragon: (starts singing) Nobody likes me, _everybody_ hates me-

Audience: (joins in singing the song) I think I'll eat some worms!

Eragon: Long, thin, slimy ones-

Audience: Short, fat, juicy ones!

T: **STOP SINGING!! THAT SONG IS TOO EMO FOR ME**!! (covers ears)

Murtagh: What's wrong with being emo?

T: (blushes) Oh…nothing! Nothing at all! Hehe…Erm…Lets continue the awards, shall we?

Audience: yAy!!

T: RORAN STRONGHAMMER because we wanted to nominate him for something!!

Katrina: (glares at fiancee) YOUR A PIMP?! AND YOU NEVER TOLD ME?!

Roran: Wait! Katrina! I'm sorry!

Katrina: IF YOU WIN, WE'RE THROUGH!

T: (pulls out envelope) And the winner is…RORAN STONGHAMMER!!

Katrina: WHY, I OUGHTA-

**(dialing tone)**

**-Please Stand By-**

T: ...Well, there was so much violence in this that we couldn't finish the awards! While you were standing by, Katrina pulled out a pie and smashed in Roran's face. She then went and sat on Murtagh's lap, thus causing Roran to become so angry he had a heart attack. He was brought to the hospital and anarchy broke loose. My theater is broke, and I need 100 Grand to rebuild it. (smiles like a Barbie Doll) Oh well! I'm off to go visit Camelia in the mental institution!

Murtagh: Bye!! (waves and smile angelically that cases all the women in the audience to faint)

**BEEEP**

**-Please Stand By-**

* * *

Murtagh walks on center stage in a tux that hugs him nicely. He smiles and shows off his huge, sexy teeth.

Murtagh: Hi, I'm Murtagh Morzansson, and this program is brought to you by Dr. Phil's Anger Management Sessions. If you have emotional issues, or if you just cut your wrists, go to D-PAMS today! (winks) I'll see you there!

* * *

**A/N**: Hope you liked it! R&R, please! And, no, I don't act like that in real life. And my name isn't Camelia either. And you'll never find out what it is. :P


End file.
